I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
