i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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