I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
