I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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