Need sex. Gaining weight.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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