Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize