She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
