I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
