I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
where am i from again
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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