I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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