You're my little dorito
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
