How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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