Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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