4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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