i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
