last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
