No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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