dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
