I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
