So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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