Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
