As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
