I smell stomach acid.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
