random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
did i walk over a car last night?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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