I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
