Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
pray to the hookup gods
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
