Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
