He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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