My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You have to summon your inner elephant
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
