I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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