you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
