Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
