My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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