Just cropdusted the office
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
