Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
