you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
