When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
