hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
