I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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