I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
