I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
