I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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