He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
