Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
