I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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