every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
