see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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