i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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