My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
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