I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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