Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
