Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
