i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
