google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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