Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
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Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
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If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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