Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
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