She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
