she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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