An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
