if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
