I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.