Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
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How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
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My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀