Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that