I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
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for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
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She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us