I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
