Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave