So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
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Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
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Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.