Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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