i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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