nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
