I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
