thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
